Wrangle the camera crew, line up the weirdly uninspiring but nonetheless eye-wateringly expensive homes, and for the love of God, somebody give the British TV presenting duo Phil Spencer and Kirstie Allsopp a ring. If there was ever a moment for an emergency episode of Location, Location, Location, this would be it.
I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but a certain couple—fairly recognizable, early-to-mid 40s, small matter of something called the “Dukedom of Sussex” under their belts—have abruptly elected to return to the UK after a stint in the US. They’re going to need somewhere to live, and quickly.
But in order to accommodate their taste for the Californian lifestyle (there’ll need to be a Whole Foods within reach, at the very least), and affection for countryside pursuits (ironically, you don’t grow up royal without wading through your share of horse shit), finding the spot that’s just right for Harry, Meghan, and family is not without its challenges.
As we wait to learn which postcode has ultimately proven the most persuasive, a few ideas below.
Windsor, Berkshire
Bit of an awkward one. A few relatives up the road, not on amazing terms. Might be nice to reconnect; might also be absolutely diabolical running into each other in the crisps aisle at Waitrose.
In all seriousness, Windsor is a logical choice for Harry and Meghan: it’s where they exchanged vows and started marital life, big bro is close by… this place is so intertwined with the family it literally has their name on it. It’d be a handy pick too, all told: only an hour out of London, plenty of space, Legoland up the road if you get bored. What more could a royal couple dream of?
The potential school: The cousins are enrolled at Lambrook School, and dad’s alma mater Eton is in the next village over. Lovely to keep it in the family (to the tune of around $28,000 per term).
The VIP neighbours: Kate, Will and the kids, plus Uncle Edward and family at Bagshot Park.
Closest airport: Just a quick jaunt in the heli to Heathrow.
Richmond, London
